It seems like everyone is seeking happiness. I mean, why wouldn't they be?  

So, is it possible to be happy all the time? 

The simple answer is "no." It's not possible or realistic to control our thoughts all the time, which means our brains basically operate on auto-pilot and are prone to thinking a lot of thoughts that don't lead to happy feelings. 

And the truth is, we don't want to be happy all the time. 

What? 

That may sound crazy, but think about it. Don't you want the complete human experience? Don't you want to feel all of the emotions, even the negative ones? If you don't experience difficult feelings, how do you even know what happy ones feel like? How do you ever appreciate them? 

Think about your favorite movies. Why do you like them so much? Is it because you feel the same emotion throughout the entire film? No. It's because the theme and characters lead you through a series of ups and downs, emotional highs and lows. You may be frightened, elated, worried, peaceful, in suspense, heartbroken, and overjoyed, all within the space over only two hours. And it feels so good!

The trick is to simply get good at feeling feelings. Period. 

Happiness is not the absence of unhappiness. It's simply the ability to choose meaning in whatever is happening in the moment, good or bad. It's the capacity to understand that life isn't meant to be roses and sunshine all the time, that hardship and trials can bring as much satisfaction and personal joy as times void of pain. It's the decision to welcome feelings, even the uncomfortable ones, knowing these feelings are harmless and that they are a vital part of the human experience. 

Is it possible to be happy and unhappy at the same time? I'm not sure those two emotions can coexist at the same moment in time, but I do believe we can experience sadness due to loss or deep pain and yet feel a sense of happiness that comes from faith and knowledge of wonderful memories and eternal promises. We don't have to dwell in sadness, even during devastating times. 

So, maybe we can't be happy all the time like some of us would like to be, but we can consciously choose happiness whenever we would like. It just takes practice and a willingness to feel all of our feelings. If you aren't a master at it yet, don't panic. Just keep trying . . . 

You got this!

Want to understand more about how to become happier? Visit loriconger.com and sign up for a free 1-1 sample coaching session with Lori. Your best life can start now.

 We all know what it's like to fail, right?

I mean, every day we experience failure on some level because it's impossible to be perfect. We forget to use our blinker. We drop something. We pick our child up late from school. We leave dinner in the oven too long. 

And yet, we hate even saying the word "failure." It connotes disgust and leaves us feeling like losers. In fact, most of us avoid it ferociously. 

Why? 

I was talking to a client recently who started listing his many recent failures. I asked him if these so-called failures meant he was a failure. At first he wanted to answer affirmatively, but he paused. He wasn't sure how to respond.

He had been creating a story within his mind that some of his actions and inactions were fails. And those fails meant he was a failure. And because he was a failure there was little hope for him or his future. What a terrible story! 

When I began questioning him about the value of failing, things changed. Can there be success without failure? Does a failed attempt at something mean a person is a failure? What even constitutes failure? What if the word failed was changed to learning opportunity? What if we knew that after 200 fails, incredible success would occur--wouldn't we get busy failing? 

I have had times as a mother when I felt like a failure. During those times I created a story in my mind that my actions and/or lack of action in some way meant I was falling short. The story grew so large as my brain kept finding small pieces of evidence it was true that I was sure I had to be one of the worst moms ever. I look back now and realize how silly and wrong I was! 

A fail does not mean I'm a failure. A fail means I am learning. It means I am trying. It means I am in the trenches where I have the opportunity to win. And some days I do win. But the days I don't aren't evidence I'm a failure. They are just evidence I'm still learning. 

Failure is a vital part of growth and success. Failure is inevitable. Failure is proof we are trying. So, if you've failed lately, way to go! 

And if you feel you are failing too often and too much, give yourself grace and keep trying.

You got this!

There are a lot of words to describe women on Mother's Day, but typically "happy" isn't the one most moms admit most accurately fits the bill. A more common one?

Guilty.

Why? Because women can't help but operate under the assumption they should be measuring up to some arbitrary standard that is nearly perfect, one they subconsciously claim other mothers obtain but that seems unreachable for themselves.

Of course this "perfect mother" doesn't actually exist except in our minds, but boy, does she wreak havoc in our lives! We are certain she is real, and we convince ourselves we will never measure up to her. We also like to tell ourselves that most other women do. We are smart enough to know sensibly this isn't true, but we allow our primitive brains to take over and weave all kinds of stories about how "everyone we know" is better at "everything" than we are. 

When Mother's Day rolls around, we'd rather fake sick, pull the covers over our heads, and cry into our pillows all day long than to face our children or our spouses and hear the singsong chant, "Happy Mother's Day," while we collect handmade cards and look into innocent faces that have no idea how much we want to be happy. But we aren't. 

And yet we should be! We have every reason in the world to be elated about motherhood and this day that celebrates us. After all, it's not easy to be a mom. And reality is, our children do adore us, imperfections and all (yep, even our teenagers). 

Can you imagine how wonderful it would feel to wake up on Mother's Day, stretch and yawn and then smile your biggest smile because this is the day that celebrates you and your sacred role as mother? No guilt. No shame. No thoughts about not measuring up. No comparisons with other mothers. No painful reminders about things your mother-in-law may have hinted you should change. No overwhelm. Just sheer satisfaction, contentment, and joy. 

Because you are rocking it! 

You are being you, my friend. You are being the perfect mom, the only mom, you can be for your kids. And that is amazing! What does that mom look like? What does she sound like? What does she smell like? What does she do? You get to decide! Isn't that incredible? 

Does she play with her kids? Does she take time for herself? Does she say sorry when she makes a mistake? Does she google things she doesn't know? Does she laugh at herself? Is she a questioner, a lifelong learner, a seeker of truth? Is she compassionate yet firm? Does she know how to listen, really listen, when her kids need to talk? Is she a late-nigher, an early-morninger? Does she love to cook, to garden, to exercise, to run? Is she more of a snacker, a home body, a yoga girl, and a go-at-my-own-pace kind of lady? 

There is no right or wrong answer to these questions. They are just descriptions, and they don't mean anything. Unless we make them mean something. And if we realize there is one of them we want to change, we can! Not to please someone else, or try to be like someone else, but because we like who we are when we make this change. It feels good! It feels like we are getting closer to being an even better mom than we already are. 

So this Mother's Day, I challenge you to love every minute. Focus on the good you are doing. Live in gratitude for the opportunity you have to be a mother. Enjoy your children. Soak up this day that is so beautifully yours. Just remember you are amazing right now today, and . . . 

You got this!

If you are enjoying the Life--Messy but Perfect blog and would like to hear more from Lori, visit her website at www.loriconger.com where you can sign up for personal coaching and group coaching, too. Thanks for being here!

When was the last time you thought, My kids are so lucky! I'm the perfect mom! 

If it's been a while (or never), why? 

I know what you're thinking. One--it's not nice to brag. And two--I would never say I'm a perfect mom! Am I right? Well, guess what? 

Sometimes it is good to brag. Just a little. Or if you don't like the word brag, how about being willing to give yourself a little credit? Bragging gets a bad rap, and maybe it should, but on the other hand, maybe we need to brag just a little bit more. Not in a "I'm better than everyone else" kind of way, but maybe in a "I'm getting this and it sure feels good" kind of way. 

Now to that word--perfect. Are you now, or have you ever been, a perfectionist about something? I have! Man alive, I was determined to keep a perfect home and have perfect children. Ha! This, of course, meant I had to be the perfect mother. Oh boy! Talk about a miserable way to live. I could not come close to maintaining my standards, and it was discouraging. Motherhood was not very fun during those days.

Then I learned a secret. 

I didn't have to try to be perfect. I already was! 

What?? 

It's true! I was already a perfect mom for my kids. They didn't actually need a perfect woman who never made mistakes and always had an immaculate home. Goodness, no! That's the last thing they needed, or even wanted. They just needed good old me. Flaws and all. Mistakes by the hundreds. Poor posture, missing toenails (now that's a story you have to hear!), messy bun hair daily, emotional, over zealous, one dinner/week (on a good week) ME. 

That's it. 

I couldn't be a more imperfect mother. And yet . . .

I couldn't be more perfect! And I'm so happy about it! I adore my kids, and you know what? I think they adore me. Sure, they get frustrated with me at times and want to pinch my face off, but they know how genuinely I love them. They know I am trying so hard to train and teach and lead and mentor and love them into the most beautiful humans they could possibly become. They know I'm their biggest cheerleader and someone they can talk to about anything. They know I am willing to show them the way forward and have their backs at the same time. 

I'm not perfect at any of these things. Of course not! But I try. Oh, how I try! 

And that is why my imperfect mothering is oh, so perfect! 

And so is yours! 

You got this!

Has anyone ever told you your child is "emotional," and you didn't take it as a compliment? For some reason, being emotional is considered a bad thing. If a child shows too much emotion, the result could be getting labeled as a "crybaby" or a "whiner" or a "wimp." The child might begin to feel it's necessary to hide emotions to please others. 

I think most of us have at least one child who tends to be more emotional than the rest. And that child can take up a lot of parenting energy (bless his/her heart!). If we aren't careful, we might start to label this child as being "too emotional." Or we may overreact to this child because it can take more self-control when one person's emotions are high. Or maybe even worst of all, we may start to ignore this child altogether, just so we can have some breathing room. But here's the truth about our children (and ourselves) and emotions. They are harmless. They are just vibrations in the body, and they won't hurt anyone. 

Yes, some children are more sensitive to their own feelings and the feelings of others. Is this good? Is it bad? Well, it's neither good nor bad. It just is. It means they might display emotions more openly (and yes, perhaps a bit more dramatically); it means they may have to share a lot of details about a very normal day; it means they may get overwhelmed a bit easier than less emotional children; and it may mean it takes them a bit longer to move on from emotionally-challenged events. But here's the good news. Those same children love deep and hard. They are empathetic to a fault. They are considerate and are often the ones who choose careers that provide them constant opportunities to help others. So while their emotions can often feel loud and exhausting, those same emotions are actually creating beautiful humans. 

So, if you have an extra emotional child or two, look for those benefits that come with the emotion. Help them channel it in positive ways. Be sure to manage your own emotions. And enjoy watching them as they use their extra big hearts in meaningful ways. It might take some practice, but don't worry . . .

You got this!

 Today everything just feels heavy. I'm sitting at my computer, battling the incessant urge to collapse on the floor and do the superman stretch, extending every tired muscle as far as it will go for as long as I want. Followed by the call to simply curl up in the fetal position and close my tired eyes, breathing slowly and deeply until my body has surrendered to complete peace and rest. It sounds wonderful to forget about everything on my to-do list today and pretend I have no responsibilities at all. Yes, a part of me wants to just give in.

And yet . . .

Here I am, plucking away at the computer instead. 

Why?

Because as much as giving in sounds good right now, tomorrow, or the next day or the next, I will feel the repercussions. I will have to pay the price. And that price is greater than what I pay now. Inflation is a real thing, my friends. Am I right?

Don't get me wrong. There are times when we need a pause. There are days when we need to take our foot off the gas a little and ease up on the pace we have been keeping. It's important to keep our eyes on the speedometer so we can be sure the speed in which we are moving forward is within safe limits, adjusting as necessary. However, taking constant pit stops does not get us to our destination. 

Sometimes small breaks turn into big detours because it can be difficult to get up to speed again. So what do you do when you've been rather busy and you feel like collapsing on the floor? Here are a few suggestions:

1-Manage your mind (Ok, you probably knew that was coming). The truth is, as I sat here, dreaming of the floor rescuing me from all of my responsibilities, I realized my thoughts were starting to lead me down a path of self destruction. They were creating a story that was all kinds of discouraging and tired. And I was believing every bit of this story! Until I decided not to. Suddenly, I was empowered to change the plot. So can you. One of my favorite thoughts to try on is, "How can this be fun?" Sometimes my initial reaction is that it can't. But then I decide to get a little creative, and suddenly, my brain figures out all kinds of ways even the most difficult, boring work can be fun. Try it!

2-Find your currency and use it to your advantage. What excites you? What motivates you? What causes that dopamine rush for you? What is a reward you can look forward to that won't sabotage your health in any way? For me, I love the feeling of being "done." When I feel I have finished what I set out to do for the day, that's a huge rush for me. I crave that feeling, and it motivates me to keep working until I can feel it. When I am finished, I get to spend my time doing whatever I want. I get to go on a walk and listen to one of my favorite podcasts. I get to watch a show or play a game with one of my kids. I get to sit down and just listen to them tell me about their day. I love it! Nothing is weighing on me because I am done! Being done is my currency. What is yours? Find it and use it as a motivator to keep working during challenging times. 

3-Take some baby steps. Maybe today you won't make it from California to New York. That's Ok. Who says you have to? What if you just made it from Las Angeles to Las Vegas? That's progress! When your work feels overwhelming, start with a short list of easy steps. Maybe you need to clean your entire house and it's a disaster. Start with 1-take out the kitchen garbage, 2-make your bed, 3-pick the couch cushions up. Now, is the entire house gleaming? No. But you got started. And an amazing thing happens in our brains when we start moving in the right direction and we achieve success. Our brains like that! They want more of it. It's very common for a person in motion to stay in motion. It's something called momentum, and it's kinda like magic. I'm willing to bet if you did those three simple jobs, you would keep going. You wouldn't stop with picking up the couch pillows. But hey, what if you did? What would happen? Nothing! The cleaning police would not come and take you to jail. You would just have to trip over the couch pillows until you decided to pick them up. And maybe by the time you decided to clean the house, it would be even messier. Inflation, remember? But that brings me to the next point . . .

4-Remember, you get to choose. There is so much power in remembering these three words, "I can choose." Am I right? Sometimes we get bogged down simply by feeling we have to do certain things. I have to clean the house. I have to pick up the couch pillows. I have to go to work today. I have to go to the PTA meeting. Everyone is counting on me. Let me tell you something--

YOU DONT HAVE TO!

You get to choose. What will happen if you don't go to work? You might have to take a sick day, or a vacation day. If you kept not going to work, maybe you would get fired and might need to find a new job. But you can choose to not go to work. You just get what comes with that choice. You don't have to go to the PTA meeting. What if you didn't go? Would the PTA fall to pieces? Or would they figure things out? I'm sure you are an amazing contributor to the PTA, but it's likely the other members would be just fine if you don't go. People are resourceful. 

Are you catching on? Doesn't it feel a bit freeing to remember you get to choose? The thing is, when we give ourselves permission to choose, we usually realize we want to choose the very thing we thought we wanted to escape from just a minute ago. Our mind is tricky that way. It doesn't like to feel trapped. It doesn't like to feel like it has no choice. But when it realizes it gets to choose, suddenly it likes the exact thing it's choosing! 

Maybe. And if not, you just realized you might need to make a change, and that's good to know. 

So the next time you feel like forgetting about everything you need to do and collapsing on the floor in a heap, keep in mind these few tips, and remember . . .

You Got This!

 So, this past week I made a mistake. 

Like, a BIG mistake. 

And when I realized what I had done, I was suddenly overcome with negative emotion. My face felt flushed and hot. I had a huge pit in my stomach and felt sick. My heart started racing. A headache started coming on. Fight/Flight/Flee kicked in big-time, and I definitely wanted to flee! Or maybe it was hide. Under my bed. And never come out.

If I were to sum up my feelings in two words, they would be stupid and embarrassed--two emotions I absolutely hate to feel! 

I could sense things were spiraling out of control very quickly.

And then I realized something. 

Things didn't have to spiral out of control. I didn't have to allow this mistake to ruin our lives, or our peace, or even my day. Yes, I may have been foolish and unknowingly allowed a hacker to have access to my computer (and every device we own) and our bank accounts (yep--I told you it was a BIG mistake), causing us a bit of panic and a whole lot of work to scurry about trying to get everything secure again, BUT that didn't mean I had to spend the entire day, or even another minute, ruminating about it. 

Of course my immediate reaction was for my thoughts to run wild with this kind of ridiculous dialogue: "You're so stupid!" "How could you have let this happen?" "Only a really dumb person would have been fooled by this hacker." "You should have known better." "There were so many signs that something wasn't quite right!" And my favorite of all--one simple word. "Idiot!" 

Why does our brain love to run rampant with such negative self-talk when we make mistakes? As if the natural consequences of our blunders aren't enough, our brain gets busy by metaphorically pouring acid into our wounds by creating thoughts that confirm to ourselves just how flawed we really are. But you know what?

 It doesn't have to be that way.

In the midst of the chaos going on once I realized what had happened, I took a moment to just pause. I decided to stop the chatter that was determined to tell me how stupid I was and weigh me down with even more stress than we were already dealing with. I decided I didn't want to give the situation any more power than I already had. So, I squared my shoulders, took a deep breath, and decided what thoughts I wanted to think. And they went something like this: "Everyone makes mistakes." "This could have been worse." "I'm glad I realized this when I did because this is fixable." "This might help our family in the end because we are making changes that help us be more secure." "I am learning a lot from this experience, and learning from mistakes feels good."

Suddenly, I felt calm. I knew things would be OK. Instead of beating myself up, I got to work helping to find a solution to our problems. By the end of the day, my computer was at a specialist getting the bugs fixed, our bank accounts were under control, and I could even chuckle (a little) at my naive mistake. 

A very wise woman once said that when problems occur, she prefers laughing over crying because crying gives her a headache. Ha! The trick to it all is being conscious of our thoughts. Man, those things just want to sabotage us at times! They want to take away our power and contribute to our mess. But they don't have to. Instead, we can use our thoughts to turn things around, to feel what we truly want to feel and to show up in ways that serve us. 

So, the moral of this story is, if you ever allow a hacker to take over your personal computer, bank accounts, and life, remember that you don't have to let him take over your thoughts and feelings, too! Ha! Seriously though, whatever it is that might cause unwanted thoughts and feelings to rush in, be aware that you can keep all of your power. You simply have to decide what thoughts to keep and what thoughts to let go of.

And if you're not good at it yet, don't panic. Just keep trying.

 Don't you love it when someone tells you how to do your job? Like, how to parent? Or maybe how to discipline your kiddos? Or how to effectively cook your noodles for spaghetti? Or maybe just how to dress more fashionably? 

Oh, this person can be super subtle as she ever-so-tactfully tells you how you should be doing it.  

Ha! (The phrase "passive aggressive" seems more fitting--am I right?)

The truth is, we can all learn something from other people. In fact, I LOVE learning from others. They are so full of wisdom and tips and life hacks! I am inspired every day by the people around me, and I am grateful for that. I'm especially thankful when I feel like I am in a bit of a funk and I gain a bit of innovation from someone else because, goodness, I need it! 

But there can be times when people seem to be a little too helpful. You know what I mean. The friend that always wants to tell you how your form is a bit off when you are exercising together at the gym. The sister-in-law who can't help but mention that your kiddo must dress herself because her clothes are always mismatched. The playgroup mom who makes regular comments about how you need to watch your child more closely and teach better manners. 

While these well-meaning people might be trying to be helpful, sometimes we can find ourselves wondering how to process their consistent life "tips." After all, if we aren't careful, we may find ourselves being the passive aggressive one! While it's true that nobody can actually make us feel small or angry or anything else, it's also true that we are human, and comments like these from people close to us can seem exhausting. So, here's a little tip.

Whether you actually say this out loud or just in your head, I find this one little (kinda quirky) word to be super helpful to me. Are you ready? Here it is:

Bummer!

Wait, I know what you're thinking. That is weird! How on earth does that word help me? Stay with me here. 

Imagine this. Your friend tells you that you need to watch your child more closely and teach him better manners. Your immediate reaction might be to think that this friend should probably worry more about her own child than yours, but instead you think . . . 

Bummer that she doesn't know how good I am at watching my child! Bummer that she doesn't understand how much we work on manners in our home. Oh well!

Now, maybe that word feels a little strange to you. If so, choose one that feels right to you. The idea is to give yourself permission to shrug off the comment because you are already doing your best. And if your friend, or your sister, or your mother-in-law, or your neighbor's brother's wife doesn't get that, bummer! That's ok. They don't need to get it. Too bad for them that they don't understand how awesome you are. Too bad for them that they don't understand that you have things under control, even if it looks different than how they would do it. Too bad for them that they feel they need to tell you another way to do things. 

The great thing about this reaction is that it not only validates you, it also gives you permission to immediately let go of any negative feelings that might develop about the other person, feelings that likely won't serve you. "Bummer" is such a neutral word. Allowing yourself to think that the other person must simply not get it provides you with the opportunity to stay neutral, without having to suffer through whatever negative emotions that want to creep in and steal your joy. You won't need to spend any time being hurt or bitter. You won't have to ruminate about what they said. You can remain free because you've shrugged it off, realizing they simply don't get the fact that you are doing "it" right for you. 

So, bummer for them, right?

If this is not natural for you right now, practice it. The next time someone gives you unsolicited advice, simply think, Bummer! They just don't get how amazing I am! See how it goes. If it feels right to you, practice some more. While it might take a while to get it down, don't give up.

You've got this!

 Ever feel like you're stuck in a big, huge rut and there's just no way out? 

Yes.

Like, every day.

Right?

Sometimes we get so used to filling our brain with the same thoughts that it doesn't remember how to think anything else. Thoughts like . . . 

"This is hard."

"I don't know."

"I hate this."

"This will never change."

"Ugh!"

We want a different result, but we are sure it isn't possible. And the truth is, with thoughts like that, we are right! Those thoughts lead to feelings like . . . 

Inadequacy.

Helplessness.

Frustration.

Hopelessness.

Overwhelm.

But what if it could be different? What if you could feel something like . . .

Excited.

Hopeful.

Motivated.

Happy.

Content.

YOU CAN! 

I know what you're thinking. "It's not that simple." And you're right. Kind of. But honestly, it actually is. Kind of.

Our thoughts are actually that powerful! 

The problem is we get stuck in a rut, allowing thoughts that lead to feelings that don't really serve us. We end up blaming our circumstances, or our mother-in-law, or our nosy neighbor, or maybe our 2-year-old, for the lousy way we feel. But here's a little secret: 

They aren't the problem (darn it!)

Here's a little challenge for you for the next few days. Every time your brain wants to tell you that something seems hard, or that you don't know what to do, or that you simply don't want to do that thing you need to do, replace your thought with this:

How could this be FUN?

Doesn't fun sound, well, fun? 

The thing is, when you get busy telling your brain to pivot to a word like fun, when you get curious about what you have ahead of you and you give your brain permission to problem-solve and find a way to make something fun, your brain gets to work being creative. It stops operating from that auto-pilot, primitive mode, and it gets busy creating answers to your question in that logical, thinking part of your brain. Suddenly, you realize that this thing you were dreading could be fun! 

Because you can make it fun! You are creative! You are fun! You are the person who can make the dreariest thing--that's right--fun! 

So, stop reading and get to it! 

You've got this!

 I recently met with a client who wanted desperately to improve his relationship with his 16-year-old son. He described their relationship as "challenging." Can you relate? 

Not long ago I was in the hallway at church after our Sunday meetings, chatting casually for a few minutes with a couple of men as we waited to gather our children from their prospective classes. Somehow we landed on the topic of teenagers. Two of us had teens, and one of us didn't. The one whose family consisted only of younger children mentioned he was terrified of the teenage years, saying that parenthood was already challenging enough; he couldn't imagine trying to navigate through the adolescent years. I think this is a common fear for many parents.

And then they actually have teens. 

And it's wonderful.

And not-so-wonderful.

All at the same time.

So, how does one improve that connection with their child? Let me ask you this? What is the prevailing feeling that accompanies your child's name? Joy? Peace? Excitement? Contentment? Or is it maybe discouragement? Contempt? Frustration? Maybe even anger?

Now for the hard question: What is the sentence you most often say in your mind when you think of your teen(s)? Is it about their unkempt bedroom? Is it about their lack of effort or their low grades? Does it have something to do with their inability to meet your standards in some way? 

If so, don't worry. You're perfectly normal. Be gentle with yourself as you discover the reality of your thoughts and feelings. Don't judge them (this is the hard part, guys). Just be curious about them. Why is this your sentence? Why do you feel this way most of the time? 

That WHY question can be very powerful!

When you think you may have figured that out, it's time to ask yourself how you want to feel. If you want to be "more connected," how would your mental sentence need to change? What might get you closer to where you want to be? Sometimes it's a pretty big jump to think of going where you are now to where you want to be, but you can think of the rungs on a ladder and just take that next step. Maybe you can't jump right to love and understanding, but what if you could lean into compassion just a little bit? Compassion for yourself, and compassion for your teen? What then? How does that change things?

The truth is that connections really is possible! And it starts with you. It's not complicated, but it does take mindfulness. And the willingness to fail and then fail again and just keep trying. That is the path to success--for you and your teen. 

Will it be easy? Probably not. But hey, you already knew that. So don't worry . . .keep trying. 

You got this!

 I don't know about you, but sometimes I just feel TIRED. Life feels HEAVY. 

I talked with a client yesterday who described her life with those two words. I could relate. As she shared her thoughts, I felt a connection with her about the mama love she was feeling for her daughter, whom she desperately wanted to help. She was wearing herself out trying to overcompensate for the love she was certain her daughter was not receiving in her marriage. This dear woman was trying to do the job of loving her daughter for everybody she didn't think was doing it sufficiently, just to be sure her daughter was being loved enough. 

That is EXHAUSTING! 

I don't think it's even possible. 

No wonder she felt WEARY. 

The thing is, this wonderful mother, a woman who loves hard and deep and wide, held the perfect amount of love already for her daughter. And that's enough. Job done. Because she can't love her daughter for her daughter--that's her daughter's job. And she can't love her daughter for her daughter's husband--that's his job. No matter how much she wants to, the only person she can love her daughter for is herself. But the good news is, that's all her daughter needs her to do! 

It's more than enough! 

And recognizing that is wonderful because this beautiful mother realized she has plenty to be happy about when it comes to her daughter. Her thoughts turned from sad ones, to HAPPY ones. While the circumstances didn't change, her thoughts about the circumstances did, and suddenly her heart didn't feel so heavy any more. She felt something she hadn't felt in a while, something like HOPE. Something like RELIEF. Something like REST from the incessant worry. 

As mothers, we do tend to worry. We do love hard. We want to protect our children and to assure they are engulfed in constant, effulgent love, love that will see them through the hard times. But what if we taught them to love themselves instead? What if we empowered them to hold enough love inside for themselves so that they are never lacking? Now, THAT is mama love! 

And you can do it. Start now. We will keep talking about how, and until then--don't you worry. 

You've got this!