Why Can't I Be Happy All the Time?

It seems like everyone is seeking happiness. I mean, why wouldn't they be?  

So, is it possible to be happy all the time? 

The simple answer is "no." It's not possible or realistic to control our thoughts all the time, which means our brains basically operate on auto-pilot and are prone to thinking a lot of thoughts that don't lead to happy feelings. 

And the truth is, we don't want to be happy all the time. 

What? 

That may sound crazy, but think about it. Don't you want the complete human experience? Don't you want to feel all of the emotions, even the negative ones? If you don't experience difficult feelings, how do you even know what happy ones feel like? How do you ever appreciate them? 

Think about your favorite movies. Why do you like them so much? Is it because you feel the same emotion throughout the entire film? No. It's because the theme and characters lead you through a series of ups and downs, emotional highs and lows. You may be frightened, elated, worried, peaceful, in suspense, heartbroken, and overjoyed, all within the space over only two hours. And it feels so good!

The trick is to simply get good at feeling feelings. Period. 

Happiness is not the absence of unhappiness. It's simply the ability to choose meaning in whatever is happening in the moment, good or bad. It's the capacity to understand that life isn't meant to be roses and sunshine all the time, that hardship and trials can bring as much satisfaction and personal joy as times void of pain. It's the decision to welcome feelings, even the uncomfortable ones, knowing these feelings are harmless and that they are a vital part of the human experience. 

Is it possible to be happy and unhappy at the same time? I'm not sure those two emotions can coexist at the same moment in time, but I do believe we can experience sadness due to loss or deep pain and yet feel a sense of happiness that comes from faith and knowledge of wonderful memories and eternal promises. We don't have to dwell in sadness, even during devastating times. 

So, maybe we can't be happy all the time like some of us would like to be, but we can consciously choose happiness whenever we would like. It just takes practice and a willingness to feel all of our feelings. If you aren't a master at it yet, don't panic. Just keep trying . . . 

You got this!

Want to understand more about how to become happier? Visit loriconger.com and sign up for a free 1-1 sample coaching session with Lori. Your best life can start now.