To Fear or Not to Fear

Is fear creeping into your life and robbing you of complete satisfaction and fulfillment? 

How do you know? 

I was on the phone with a client in my social work internship. This sweet woman was 70 years old and she needed some assistance in basic areas of her life. She told me she needed help paying for gasoline because her resources were limited and she spent far too much money driving around. I suggested the city transit system, which I knew many clients used regularly because they could obtain passes for free or reduced rates. However, this woman declined this suggestion because she was afraid to use public transportation. 

Now, there is nothing irrational about being cautious concerning the public transportation system in a huge city; however, the part that was fascinating about this woman's story is the reason she was fearful. She went on to explain to me that she was bullied as a young girl. She had experienced some minor medical issued in elementary school that caused her to miss enough school that she had to repeat third grade. In her mind (and it may have been true), she was bullied because of this. This was so painful for her that now, over 60 years later, she was allowing the fear of being bullied again to keep her from taking advantage of a transportation system that could greatly benefit her. 

I was working with her as a social worker and not a life coach, so I had to stay within my lane, but I desperately wanted to help her question her beliefs about being bullied and the pain it caused her. 

Does being bullied cause pain? No!

Our thoughts about being bullied cause pain. The bullying itself--the words--do not cause harm. If someone or some people actually physically hurt us, that may cause pain, but most bullying is meant to harm us emotionally, and we allow it to because of our thoughts about what is said or done. If we don't clean up our thoughts about "the bullying," it can literally stay with us our entire lives and prevent us from being free, from going where we want to go and doing what we want to do. 

In other words, we give away our power. We become slaves to our own thoughts about events, circumstances, and people. 

But we don't have to. We always have a choice. 

It takes consciousness and effort, but with practice, we can empower ourselves to become free of the kind of fear that strips us of our freedoms and our ability to feel peace and joy. Fear is working for us when it reminds us we need to be careful in certain situations; fear is working against us when it keeps us from doing normal things that make life better for us. 

So, is fear your ally right now? If not, check in with your thoughts. Remember they are optional. You've got this, my friend. Go face your fears, and live your best life!

*If you love this content and want to learn more about Lori or sign up for personal coaching, visit www.lorconger.com and book a free sample session.