I Didn't Ask for This--Now What?

 What do you do when life does not go as planned? 

I'm not talking about small misfortunes, like when it rains on a day you hoped to have a picnic. Or when you thought you would graduate from college in four years, and instead it took five. Or when you hoped to have one last baby, and you ended up with twins. 

No. I'm talking about those things that literally knock the wind out of you. Things like big moves at crucial times. Things like children going astray. Things like extended unemployment and natural disasters. Things like unexpected illnesses and death. 

Not that you should rate the experiences you have. And who decides what is "hard" and what isn't? What is a "10" on the difficulty scale to one person might only be a "5" on another. Right? 

But you know what I mean. Let's say life comes along and really guts you. Then what? 

This week a newspaper article came out about two high school football coaches in a tiny Wyoming town who retired in 2021. They were best friends since kindergarten and ended up coaching football together for many years. Their win/loss record is incredible, and so is the program they built. But I don't share this story to talk about football or even friendship (although it is a good one about both); I share it because one of the coaches was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in his early forties. 

A gut twist he didn't plan for. 

This tall, strong, athletic man had been a great athlete and competitor. Now he knew his days of playing sports were over, and his coaching days were going to be limited as well. He had just been diagnosed with a disease that attacks muscles. 

What now? 

I think for  most of us, the first question we ask is, "Why? Why me? Why now?" But here's a better question:

"How? How is this happening for me? How can this be the best thing for me and my future? How can this be exactly what I need? How can this propel me toward my most important goals?" 

We often think of life as happening to us. When we ask the question how, we shift to recognizing life is happening for us. 

Suddenly our myopic view shifts. Our brain gets busy figuring out how this major life twist could be good, or at least how we could learn from it. Our thoughts change from those that lead us down the victim path to those that lead us down the road of empowerment. We recognize that life is not out of control. We get to choose at any moment how we respond to the circumstances that occur. 

And THAT is true freedom! 

Maybe everything wasn't in the original plan. But as you figure out how even the hardest detours can be happening for you, you begin to see that the revised plan is as good as ever! 

So when life throws you curve balls that you didn't ask for, don't give up. Remember to ask "how?" instead of "why?" and see what happens.

You got this!

P.S. What happened to that football coach who was diagnosed with MS? Since he just happens to be my dad, I have the inside scoop. He coached with his best friend for 41 years, and when they finally retired, the town named the football field after both of them. Now he spends his time being of service to his family every day. And he is as happy as can be, even though he can hardly walk and knows that a wheelchair is in his near future. Life didn't turn out exactly how he planned--it's even better!