What do you do when life does not go as planned? 

I'm not talking about small misfortunes, like when it rains on a day you hoped to have a picnic. Or when you thought you would graduate from college in four years, and instead it took five. Or when you hoped to have one last baby, and you ended up with twins. 

No. I'm talking about those things that literally knock the wind out of you. Things like big moves at crucial times. Things like children going astray. Things like extended unemployment and natural disasters. Things like unexpected illnesses and death. 

Not that you should rate the experiences you have. And who decides what is "hard" and what isn't? What is a "10" on the difficulty scale to one person might only be a "5" on another. Right? 

But you know what I mean. Let's say life comes along and really guts you. Then what? 

This week a newspaper article came out about two high school football coaches in a tiny Wyoming town who retired in 2021. They were best friends since kindergarten and ended up coaching football together for many years. Their win/loss record is incredible, and so is the program they built. But I don't share this story to talk about football or even friendship (although it is a good one about both); I share it because one of the coaches was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in his early forties. 

A gut twist he didn't plan for. 

This tall, strong, athletic man had been a great athlete and competitor. Now he knew his days of playing sports were over, and his coaching days were going to be limited as well. He had just been diagnosed with a disease that attacks muscles. 

What now? 

I think for  most of us, the first question we ask is, "Why? Why me? Why now?" But here's a better question:

"How? How is this happening for me? How can this be the best thing for me and my future? How can this be exactly what I need? How can this propel me toward my most important goals?" 

We often think of life as happening to us. When we ask the question how, we shift to recognizing life is happening for us. 

Suddenly our myopic view shifts. Our brain gets busy figuring out how this major life twist could be good, or at least how we could learn from it. Our thoughts change from those that lead us down the victim path to those that lead us down the road of empowerment. We recognize that life is not out of control. We get to choose at any moment how we respond to the circumstances that occur. 

And THAT is true freedom! 

Maybe everything wasn't in the original plan. But as you figure out how even the hardest detours can be happening for you, you begin to see that the revised plan is as good as ever! 

So when life throws you curve balls that you didn't ask for, don't give up. Remember to ask "how?" instead of "why?" and see what happens.

You got this!

P.S. What happened to that football coach who was diagnosed with MS? Since he just happens to be my dad, I have the inside scoop. He coached with his best friend for 41 years, and when they finally retired, the town named the football field after both of them. Now he spends his time being of service to his family every day. And he is as happy as can be, even though he can hardly walk and knows that a wheelchair is in his near future. Life didn't turn out exactly how he planned--it's even better!

 Have you ever been accused of being dramatic or emotional? I certainly have. As if showing emotion is bad. I mean, who made that rule? 

Recently I gave a mini-presentation on fear to a large family consisting of children and adults, ages 10 to 79. During the course of the address, I mentioned how important it is to allow ourselves to feel every emotion, even fear. I explained how sometimes we as human beings decide it's "bad" or "weak" or something to feel negative emotion, such as anger or sadness or disappointment or fear. But reality is, we are here on this planet to encounter as much of the human experience as we possibly can, and that includes every single emotion there is. 

Yep, even fear. 

What's great about feeling negative emotion is that it makes feeling positive emotion even that much sweeter! If I don't understand what it's like to feel painful emotion, how can I really appreciate and understand the blissful, peaceful, overwhelming feeling of joy? But I think there's even more to it than that. I think negative emotion builds resilience inside of us. And we long for that. We yearn for growth. And somehow our brains know that.

But back to my story.

After my presentation, one of the adult men pulled me aside to thank me for what I shared. Then an interesting thing happened. He became emotional (Yes--a guy! Ha!). The truth is, he was so emotional he couldn't speak for a few moments. That's when he told me that the piece of what I shared that really struck him was the part about it being OK to feel fear, that in fact, it's something we even want to do because it's part of the human experience. I don't know why that was so important to him, but isn't it such a great thing to know? 

We can feel our feelings. Every single one of them. In fact, we need to feel our feelings. It's not "bad" to be emotional. Our natural response is to avoid, resist, or react to negative feelings, but what would happen if we didn't? What would happen if we simply allowed them and felt them? 

We would be OK. 

In fact, we would be better than OK. It takes a tremendous amount of energy to avoid our feelings, to react to them, to resist them. But allowing them? Not so much. Then we can use that curiosity we love to utilize to ask ourselves why we feel that way. And before we know it, we've discovered a whole lot about ourselves, and instead of feeling spent, we feel energized, motivated, and empowered. 

So, when faced with the choice to feel or not to feel, the answer my friend is this . . . 

Just do it! You've got this! 

 There is such power in curiosity! 

Unfortunately, we override it with judgment far too often. We assign value to situations and people, rather than simply being curious about them. Why is curiosity such a powerful tool? 

Because it is benign. 

It begets wonder. 

And wonder begets learning and self-discovery. 

And believe it or not, researchers claim that self-discovery is one of the traits the most successful people possess. 

Wonder how to wonder? Ha! 

Here are some examples:

I wonder what would happen if I took a moment to think before I spoke to my husband about being late.

I wonder what it would be like to refrain from sugar for one week (or even just one day).

I wonder how it would feel to go a whole day without gossiping.

I wonder how my relationship with my teenager would change if I praised more than I corrected. 

I wonder what it would be like to practice self-care every day. 

Are you catching on? 

Can you begin to see the value of curiosity, the absolute magic of wonder? I invite you to try this simple, amazing tool in your life. Practice the gift of wonder. Be curious about your thoughts, words, and actions. Wonder about them. 

Hmm . . . I wonder why I feel so hurt when my daughter doesn't want to run errands with me. Dig deeper. Be curious. Is it because I think it means something more? Am I afraid my relationship with my daughter is slipping? Do I resist time alone? What is really going on here?

It's amazing what you will discover about yourself when you are willing to be curious! So, get wondering! 

You've got this!