It seems like everyone is seeking happiness. I mean, why wouldn't they be?  

So, is it possible to be happy all the time? 

The simple answer is "no." It's not possible or realistic to control our thoughts all the time, which means our brains basically operate on auto-pilot and are prone to thinking a lot of thoughts that don't lead to happy feelings. 

And the truth is, we don't want to be happy all the time. 

What? 

That may sound crazy, but think about it. Don't you want the complete human experience? Don't you want to feel all of the emotions, even the negative ones? If you don't experience difficult feelings, how do you even know what happy ones feel like? How do you ever appreciate them? 

Think about your favorite movies. Why do you like them so much? Is it because you feel the same emotion throughout the entire film? No. It's because the theme and characters lead you through a series of ups and downs, emotional highs and lows. You may be frightened, elated, worried, peaceful, in suspense, heartbroken, and overjoyed, all within the space over only two hours. And it feels so good!

The trick is to simply get good at feeling feelings. Period. 

Happiness is not the absence of unhappiness. It's simply the ability to choose meaning in whatever is happening in the moment, good or bad. It's the capacity to understand that life isn't meant to be roses and sunshine all the time, that hardship and trials can bring as much satisfaction and personal joy as times void of pain. It's the decision to welcome feelings, even the uncomfortable ones, knowing these feelings are harmless and that they are a vital part of the human experience. 

Is it possible to be happy and unhappy at the same time? I'm not sure those two emotions can coexist at the same moment in time, but I do believe we can experience sadness due to loss or deep pain and yet feel a sense of happiness that comes from faith and knowledge of wonderful memories and eternal promises. We don't have to dwell in sadness, even during devastating times. 

So, maybe we can't be happy all the time like some of us would like to be, but we can consciously choose happiness whenever we would like. It just takes practice and a willingness to feel all of our feelings. If you aren't a master at it yet, don't panic. Just keep trying . . . 

You got this!

Want to understand more about how to become happier? Visit loriconger.com and sign up for a free 1-1 sample coaching session with Lori. Your best life can start now.

 We all know what it's like to fail, right?

I mean, every day we experience failure on some level because it's impossible to be perfect. We forget to use our blinker. We drop something. We pick our child up late from school. We leave dinner in the oven too long. 

And yet, we hate even saying the word "failure." It connotes disgust and leaves us feeling like losers. In fact, most of us avoid it ferociously. 

Why? 

I was talking to a client recently who started listing his many recent failures. I asked him if these so-called failures meant he was a failure. At first he wanted to answer affirmatively, but he paused. He wasn't sure how to respond.

He had been creating a story within his mind that some of his actions and inactions were fails. And those fails meant he was a failure. And because he was a failure there was little hope for him or his future. What a terrible story! 

When I began questioning him about the value of failing, things changed. Can there be success without failure? Does a failed attempt at something mean a person is a failure? What even constitutes failure? What if the word failed was changed to learning opportunity? What if we knew that after 200 fails, incredible success would occur--wouldn't we get busy failing? 

I have had times as a mother when I felt like a failure. During those times I created a story in my mind that my actions and/or lack of action in some way meant I was falling short. The story grew so large as my brain kept finding small pieces of evidence it was true that I was sure I had to be one of the worst moms ever. I look back now and realize how silly and wrong I was! 

A fail does not mean I'm a failure. A fail means I am learning. It means I am trying. It means I am in the trenches where I have the opportunity to win. And some days I do win. But the days I don't aren't evidence I'm a failure. They are just evidence I'm still learning. 

Failure is a vital part of growth and success. Failure is inevitable. Failure is proof we are trying. So, if you've failed lately, way to go! 

And if you feel you are failing too often and too much, give yourself grace and keep trying.

You got this!

There are a lot of words to describe women on Mother's Day, but typically "happy" isn't the one most moms admit most accurately fits the bill. A more common one?

Guilty.

Why? Because women can't help but operate under the assumption they should be measuring up to some arbitrary standard that is nearly perfect, one they subconsciously claim other mothers obtain but that seems unreachable for themselves.

Of course this "perfect mother" doesn't actually exist except in our minds, but boy, does she wreak havoc in our lives! We are certain she is real, and we convince ourselves we will never measure up to her. We also like to tell ourselves that most other women do. We are smart enough to know sensibly this isn't true, but we allow our primitive brains to take over and weave all kinds of stories about how "everyone we know" is better at "everything" than we are. 

When Mother's Day rolls around, we'd rather fake sick, pull the covers over our heads, and cry into our pillows all day long than to face our children or our spouses and hear the singsong chant, "Happy Mother's Day," while we collect handmade cards and look into innocent faces that have no idea how much we want to be happy. But we aren't. 

And yet we should be! We have every reason in the world to be elated about motherhood and this day that celebrates us. After all, it's not easy to be a mom. And reality is, our children do adore us, imperfections and all (yep, even our teenagers). 

Can you imagine how wonderful it would feel to wake up on Mother's Day, stretch and yawn and then smile your biggest smile because this is the day that celebrates you and your sacred role as mother? No guilt. No shame. No thoughts about not measuring up. No comparisons with other mothers. No painful reminders about things your mother-in-law may have hinted you should change. No overwhelm. Just sheer satisfaction, contentment, and joy. 

Because you are rocking it! 

You are being you, my friend. You are being the perfect mom, the only mom, you can be for your kids. And that is amazing! What does that mom look like? What does she sound like? What does she smell like? What does she do? You get to decide! Isn't that incredible? 

Does she play with her kids? Does she take time for herself? Does she say sorry when she makes a mistake? Does she google things she doesn't know? Does she laugh at herself? Is she a questioner, a lifelong learner, a seeker of truth? Is she compassionate yet firm? Does she know how to listen, really listen, when her kids need to talk? Is she a late-nigher, an early-morninger? Does she love to cook, to garden, to exercise, to run? Is she more of a snacker, a home body, a yoga girl, and a go-at-my-own-pace kind of lady? 

There is no right or wrong answer to these questions. They are just descriptions, and they don't mean anything. Unless we make them mean something. And if we realize there is one of them we want to change, we can! Not to please someone else, or try to be like someone else, but because we like who we are when we make this change. It feels good! It feels like we are getting closer to being an even better mom than we already are. 

So this Mother's Day, I challenge you to love every minute. Focus on the good you are doing. Live in gratitude for the opportunity you have to be a mother. Enjoy your children. Soak up this day that is so beautifully yours. Just remember you are amazing right now today, and . . . 

You got this!

If you are enjoying the Life--Messy but Perfect blog and would like to hear more from Lori, visit her website at www.loriconger.com where you can sign up for personal coaching and group coaching, too. Thanks for being here!