Monday, December 15, 2008

Forgive Me, Forgive Me Not

Okay, so a few weeks ago, in the midst of stress and frustration, I sat down and had a good cry. Then, I got a hold of myself, wiped my eyes, and thought long and hard about what I was doing wrong as a mother. My children seemed to be out of control, whining at nearly everything, disregarding what they didn't whine about, showing little to no respect toward me or each other. I was emotionally, mentally and physically worn out, and regardless of how hard I tried not to, I was also feeling a bit discouraged.

As I tried to to wrap my head around the root of our problems, I couldn't help but think of each of my dear children, and as always, a smile began to spread across my disheartened face. Regardless of their misbehavior, I realized once again how fiercely I loved them and how much they were teaching me. I shook my head as I came to the conclusion--as I have many times--that they were teaching me far more than I've ever taught them. I recalled different experiences throughout the years and even grabbed a pen and began making a short list of the most important things four little children have taught me. Feeling meek, I began with humility. Five attributes later, I now end with forgiveness.

In the scriptures we are counseled to be as little children, and I am certain one of the main reasons is because there are no people as forgiving as children. It doesn't matter how many times I lose my temper in a day, how many times I forget to put a lunch in my school children's bag, how many times I just plain blow it as a mother, when I tuck my little ones in to bed at night, they wrap their arms around me and tell me how much they love me. It never ceases to amaze me.

And then there's the number of times in a day when I am forced to forgive them--or be miserable. I usually choose the first, but I reserve the second as a backup option :). It's just that motherhood demands forgiveness because, just like adults, children tend to make a lot of mistakes in a day, and they have a nack for being just plain naughty at times. I have had days when I was sure they were ganging up against me, that they had secretly plotted to make me miserable, days when I thought I would lose my mind, days when bedtime seemed it would not come soon enough. Then a wide-eyed child would peek his/her head around the corner of my room and say, "Sorry, Mom." What else could I do but forgive and move on?

How grateful I am my childen are teaching me the principle of forgiveness. If ever I become the woman I hope to be, I will owe a great deal to four blue-eyed Conger kids!


The Martinez Fam said...

I have had some of the same thoughts and feelings about forgiveness. My children would have given up on me a long time ago if it weren't for their sweet little forgiving hearts!!:)

Abby said...

Honestly, Lori, I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels that way! There are days that I think they really don't want me to be their mom...and then they do or say something that makes it all better!

Love your're so cute!

Randall McNeely said...


I can't number the times my wife has expressed the same feelings you shared here. I've felt the same way. Thank for sharing. Yet another great blog that touched my heart!


Tristi Pinkston said...

I firmly believe that children hold a summit meeting first thing in the morning and they discuss just how they will drive us mothers crazy by bedtime ...